Everyone Loves War Stories, Right?

I once second-chaired a murder case with the best facts.

Alright, they were really good facts for the state, but they make a good story.

My client walks in to Southeast Precinct one warm, summer afternoon and says, "there's a body in my bathtub. It's my husband. I want a lawyer." Good client. Good boy.

The cops ask if the client will take them to the house so they can get the body out if they promise not to talk to him. Client agrees. Cops ask no questions and the client lets them into the house. There is, indeed, a body in the bathtub.

Actually, there is a bathtub full of frozen food. Amongst the frozen food is a hairy, human toe. Cops exit and get a warrant.

My darling client (and he was a darling), not knowing what to do when he awoke from an alcoholic blackout to find his husband dead, had spent three days emptying the freezer in an attempt to preserve the body. Oh, and sprinkling baking soda.

The cause of death was blunt force trauma and/or strangulation. We had no motions. We tried to find a defense (in addition to the obvious alcoholic blackout). My client was horrified that we were even trying. He had a record, he just wanted the best deal we could get him.

We got him 20 years on a Manslaughter and a misdemeanor abuse of a corpse.